Love List | Alabama Community Healthy Marriage Initiative

When I began reading about relationships and marriage for a paper I am writing, it was devastating how quickly I came across these words: break-up or divorce. Too often, people tend to focus on why marriages do not work: high conflict, incompatibility, children, etc. We focus on these things because measuring conflict? well it is much easier than measuring love. Let?s redirect, focus on the positive and ask, ?What?s love got to do with it??
Love is defined in so many ways that love to one person is different than love to another, even if those two people are in a relationship. While it does appear easy to feel love, it often seems harder to express what we consider ?love? to our partner. What makes us feel loved? It is different for everyone. Therefore, shouldn?t we make a love list? I have a mental love list that I tend to add to as need be, but I have never written it down and I have surely never shared it, in its entirety, with my partner. Oh, I have dropped hints here and there that I like quality time and it is important to respect one another?s opinions, but NO, I have not discussed it with him. So why do I expect him to know how to love me when I am not even really sure what is on my love list to begin with? We make grocery lists so that we will get what we need to fill our appetites. We make to do list?s so that we will fill our obligations at work, school or home. We make task lists so that others can complete duties and responsibilities. So why do we not make time to create a love list that would make is more accessible to not only get what we need, but so that others can easily fill up our tanks?
Then the question becomes, well where do I start? In counseling and therapy there is a goal setting technique called S.M.A.R.T. You can start here: S-specific, M-measurable, A-attainable, R-realistic, T-time. When creating your list, use each letter to detail what you want; if you want time with your partner you could say something like, ?spend 10 minutes every day telling each other the highs and lows of the day?. This incorporates all of the S.M.A.R.T. technique. Your list does not have to be exhaustive but it will take some time and thought. When you are ready to share your list with your partner be prepared to explain and talk about your items with them. They may even be willing to create their own love list.??:) Make this experience enjoyable, maybe over a picnic lunch on a Saturday afternoon or over take-out on a Friday night at home with each other. Just make it about the two of you and ?your love?.
Oh and one other thing, do not let this be overwhelming. You will constantly be adding and subtracting from your list. In ten years or ten months, there may be items that you could not live without when you were first together, but now after time has passed and relationships, marriages, children or jobs have intervened, you do not need those things and instead you replace them with other items. That is okay. Just like life is a work in progress so can be your love list.
I started mine, will you?

This entry was posted in ACHMI, AHMREI, Alabama Conmmunity Healthy Marriage Initiative, Communication, healthy relationships, Relationships, Sheena Young and tagged communication, healthy relationships, love, Relationships, Sheena Young. Bookmark the permalink.

Source: http://content.auburn.edu/achmi/2012/03/15/love-list/

broncos hgtv dream home miss america 2012 patriots vs broncos tebow denver broncos contraband